When you get home, don t feel a little bitch? Psychologist 3 suggests to teach you how to behave

Whenever you get home, or you can’t go back to the country on weekends or holidays, do you often feel that you only have emptiness and solitaryness in your heart?

When you are clearly in a familiar environment, you seem to be unable to touch the warmth and feeling that should belong to home?

I want to tell you that this feeling is not alone. Many people have similar feelings like you!

If you are also experiencing this feeling of loss and low point of feeling, let the posture psychologist who hugs the clinic, through today's article, you can find the reasons and explore the solutions.

Why do I feel "no sense of feeling" when I get home?

Scenario 1. Self-identity that cannot be matched with the original family

Ah Feng (pseudonym) is preparing to enter the 3-character head this year. During adolescence, he began to realize that he is similar to other boys and has a more sensitive and soft feeling for many people and things around him. I vaguely remember that in high school, he once shared with his parents about his feelings of frustration and frustration in relationships with his parents at home. His father only said: “ This is nothing big, you are so weak, what should you do when you leave society in the future?; while his mother patted him on the shoulder and said: “ you should learn to control your emotions, don't lose it if you don't move. This is not good to be seen by others.

Ah Feng found that he didn't know when he had learned to suppress his emotions and hide his feelings towards others. He didn't know when he started. He found that he was lying in his heart in any part of his international relationship, even when he returned home. Now he still longs to have a close relationship, but seems to have lost the ability to get close to anyone.

It is difficult to find the reason for the sense of learning:

When the value view of the original family conflicts with each other, it will make us unable to truly be ourselves in "home" and be stressed.

For example, it is contrary to the traditional rules or expectations of the family in terms of gender roles. For example, boys should like girls, boys should be strong, etc. Or parents expect us to choose a stable career and follow-up life, while we hope to pursue creative work or not lifestyles that are not normal.

These values ​​conflicts and feelings of not being understood by our family will make us think that "home" is not the place we agree with.

Scenario 2. Disappointment emotional separation

Xiaoyan (pseudonym) is currently in the rising period of career. Usually, he rents a house outside. Although his work is occasionally stressful, his overall life is still quite comfortable. Recently, she learned that her father was admitted to the hospital after being ill and was frequently in the family. She unexpectedly found that she was obviously concerned about her father's condition, but every time she checked the message, she couldn't help but feel a sense of resistance and fatigue, which made her feel confused and conflicted.

Xiaozi found that he had longed to be recognized and affirmed by his parents since he was a child. Despite his outstanding performance in school, he has also won the voice of others in various activities in the campus. However, when she got home, her parents were always busy with work and were silent about her efforts.

Whenever the little boy shares his achievements, his parents' response is always cold. My mother often replied: “This is just what you should do. ”And the father always uses “ don't be self-satisfied, and continue to work hard to stop her joy. Xiaoying realized that no matter how hard she worked, her parents would not give her the affirmation she expected. This made her feel disappointed and planted the seeds of emotional separation in her heart.

The reason why it is difficult to find the feeling of being a part:

Separation in secret relationships: Family conflicts or inconvenience that have not been resolved for a long time have led to the emotional distance between members gradually expanding. For example, parents have strengthened personal control over their children due to their own insecurity or unsatisfied needs, so that individuals cannot get positive feedback on anything they share with their parents, and accumulate frustration and distrust of their families.

Emotional needs are not met: the need for emotional support, understanding and acceptance has not been fully responded to by parents. For example, when a child, parents may be busy or emotionally unsatisfied, making the child feel neglected, incomprehensible or indifferent for a long time. Repeated disappointment experiences make individuals begin to lower their expectations to avoid being injured again. In the end, emotional isolation is chosen for self-protection, making it impossible to feel the existence of "home" no matter where you are.

Scenario 3. The past original family was injured

Da Cheng (pseudonym), who had been living abroad for many years, fell into a state of depression and depression at the end of last year for unknown reasons, and had to stop working on the side of the work to return to Taiwan to repair. However, in fact, he knew that he did not believe that he could have a good rest when he returned home. He felt powerless and helpless, and decided to seek help from the physical and mental department.

Through several consultations, past memories floated one by one. When Da Cheng saw that he had learned to endure the incompetent fire of his father since he was very young, his mother often expressed her dissatisfaction with crying and pointing. He had a role at home as a voice cushion between his parents. Although he was ill-fated in the atmosphere of constant conflicts at home, he never thought that these emotional garbage slowly accumulated in his heart and had never been cleaned up. Every time my parents' outburst and every sarcasm is a harm to his heart. He tries to suppress his emotions and always tells himself with &ldquo: "This is home, so this is the &rdquo" I should bear.. However, the pain and helplessness hidden deep in his heart made Dacheng quickly decide to go abroad to work after graduating from university. He knew that his initial departure was not an escape, but to protect himself from being destroyed and more harmed.

It is difficult to find the cause of feeling of illness:

Post-injury disorder: Early insulting experiences, such as emotional abuse, physical abuse, or parental disconnection, may lead to the painful memory of the past when you return home, making the concept of home distorted. "Home" is no longer a source of safety and support, but a synonym for pain and pressure.

Family structure or functional problems: If the family itself is not functional (e.g., excessive dependence of parents, emotional indifference, or lack of effective care and support), such a family atmosphere will make the members feel unable to find psychological support in it.

How to adapt to the loss of "not finding a sense of destiny"

The core of the sense of destiny lies in the human connection and common emotional support, which represents the feeling of being accepted and recognized by the group or the entire society.

From the moment we separate from our mother, we begin to return from dependence and independence, trying to find our place, which is the ultimate place we live in our lives.

Psychologist Adler once said: "Sense of being a human is a basic human need, but this is not something that everyone has when they are born, but needs to be obtained through their own efforts."

Facing the loss and low point of "not finding the sense of being a part", the psychological staff is able to change their minds. , share with you how to adapt: ​​

Suggestions 1. The integration and continuous development of self-confidence

Selections 1. Self-confidence begins with our beliefs and evaluations for each experience, which determines our emotional reactions, learn to find and reject unreasonable beliefs, and can gain more sense of self-confidence.

We can practice the transformation of beliefs in various situations in daily life, such as: from "I failed so much because I couldn't be the pride of my parents" to "Although I couldn't satisfy them, I did as much as I could, and I was proud of my hard work."

Suggestion 2. Identify, accept and affirm the self-protection mechanism

Acknowledge and allow yourself to be disappointed with imperfect parents and family. Understanding your emotional separation is actually a protection mechanism for yourself that has never been well understood and responded to. This mechanism is important and intentional.

The shortcomings brought by parents in the real world, we can practice building a new parent in our own inner structure, and nourishing and supporting ourselves with the ideal inner parent role.

Suggestion 3. Through psychological counseling, we can go deep into the diverse and complex creative issues

Everyone has thousands of long and diverse connections with "home". If you face your family or family, you often feel that you are trapped in a difficult and complicated emotional state. It is difficult to get close to this feeling and want to understand it. It is a good choice to talk to a psychologist.

Through psychological counseling, we can understand how past experiences from original families have shaped their influence on us from deeper psychological mechanisms and more overall inner feelings.